Dammit Cat,
Sometimes, we give you treats. Tonight, it was a very special night and you'd been terrorized earlier by a five year old hyped up on sugar, and so tonight we decided to give you a tiny piece of ham. Yes, it was only about the size of a nickle, but it was still a treat.
But dammit! If we're offering you a treat, do not insist that we just stand there holding it while you lick it. You wouldn't take a bite, oh no. I just was expected to sit there, offering it up for you to taste. Finally you did eat it, but only after I gave half to the dog and shredded the rest into tiny pieces for you.
Really, next time I won't hold it for five minutes while you lick it.
I'll only hold it for three. But that's it!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sweet Treats
Dammit Cat,
Those cookies are not for you. Seriously. I know that everything in this house seems to be yours, but those are not. I made them for the rest of the family.
When I was looking over at you I was just seeing where you were, not inviting you to jump up onto the counter and try to shove your face on the baking rack.
Thank you for waiting until after I'd taken the cookies off of it to do that, by the way.
Also, please stop trying to knock the bag of cookies on the floor and rip them open. Seriously. Those are not kitty treats.
Those cookies are not for you. Seriously. I know that everything in this house seems to be yours, but those are not. I made them for the rest of the family.
When I was looking over at you I was just seeing where you were, not inviting you to jump up onto the counter and try to shove your face on the baking rack.
Thank you for waiting until after I'd taken the cookies off of it to do that, by the way.
Also, please stop trying to knock the bag of cookies on the floor and rip them open. Seriously. Those are not kitty treats.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Kleptomania
Dammit Cat,
We've talked about this. I think you need to admit that you have a problem.
So far you've stolen slippers, an animatronic dog that sings, I don't even know how many hot glue sticks, a Bluetooth ear set, socks, pencils, a live shrimp, a live (until you bit through the top of it) crab, an earring that is still missing, LEGO men, Christmas ornaments, and now a shell. And that's just what we know about!
I really think that we need to see a professional about this hoarding problem that you seem to have. It's for your own good.
...Dammit, where'd my iPod go?!
We've talked about this. I think you need to admit that you have a problem.
So far you've stolen slippers, an animatronic dog that sings, I don't even know how many hot glue sticks, a Bluetooth ear set, socks, pencils, a live shrimp, a live (until you bit through the top of it) crab, an earring that is still missing, LEGO men, Christmas ornaments, and now a shell. And that's just what we know about!
I really think that we need to see a professional about this hoarding problem that you seem to have. It's for your own good.
...Dammit, where'd my iPod go?!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Finally!
Dammit Cat,
Why did it take you over a year and a half to actually sit in my lap for the first time? You would only ever be on my lap before if I had a blanket on me, and then you would nurse the blanket. We could put the blanket on a bed of nails and you would have been on it.
But finally! FINALLY you sat in my lap! You even laid down!
Though... It turns out that you only do it when I'm at the kitchen table and drawing or doing paper-related things, and you then insist on hanging half off of my lap so that I have to hold you up and can't do what I was doing in the first place.
This is more you keeping me distracted and less affection, isn't it? Oh well. I'll take it.
(Yes, April 1 was seriously the first time that she ever laid down in my lap without bribing her with the blanket she was so attached to. It's a little sad.)
Why did it take you over a year and a half to actually sit in my lap for the first time? You would only ever be on my lap before if I had a blanket on me, and then you would nurse the blanket. We could put the blanket on a bed of nails and you would have been on it.
But finally! FINALLY you sat in my lap! You even laid down!
Though... It turns out that you only do it when I'm at the kitchen table and drawing or doing paper-related things, and you then insist on hanging half off of my lap so that I have to hold you up and can't do what I was doing in the first place.
This is more you keeping me distracted and less affection, isn't it? Oh well. I'll take it.
(Yes, April 1 was seriously the first time that she ever laid down in my lap without bribing her with the blanket she was so attached to. It's a little sad.)
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